My heart was still reveling in the joyous moment of finding Eve and Caroline on Facebook when another pleasant surprise came escorted by a soft digital beep on my phone which I’m now slowly getting used to. You see, I just recently downloaded the Yahoo messenger app on my iPhone for the sole purpose of being able to chat with my mom whose online presence continues to spread as her newly found internet skills develop. It has been about 4 years since I practically stopped chatting with people, abandoning a used to be over-used account that now lay dormant for years. I was hesitant at first but went ahead anyway. The messenger pulled up an old list of chatmates and usernames of old friends (oh, flood of memories…do little reminders from a certain point in your life do that to you too?) I wanted to see how that app worked and so I clicked on an old acquaintance whose name had the only yellow online dot at that time.

LONGSTORYSHORT,

I was at a Chinese store buying dimsum for our weekend trip downsouth to visit my stepdaughter and her mom, stepdad and lil sis (I always look forward to seeing the entire fam), when I got a response on my YM. MERVIN. 

MERV… Aaah, life!

It brought a smile to my face. An old friend. You know, like one of those people who become significant for a VERY “short” period of time in your life — short, because you mutually don’t really have that much to hold on to in order for things to stay as is.  The kind of person who is suddenly there, and also suddenly not there but parting doesn’t really weigh you down and you don’t cling to it as if you want to live the moments over and over. Instead, you tuck it in a compartment in your heart labeled “Happy Memory” (or “Growth” whichever applies) and you don’t care if it remains sealed forever, and you don’t even remember it unless triggered by reminder. Yes, that’s the kind of person I’m talking about…the one who visits and leaves a mark — oftentimes a big change— in your life. But then you both find yourselves saying, “Bye, see you when I see you. Maybe, maybe not. Have a good life.” You’re grateful, and really really mean well.

Remember that cliche? People come into our lives for a Reason, or a Season, or a Lifetime. Merv helped me my find myself during a tumultuous time when I was an unhappy prisoner of a 6-year dragging, stagnant and fruitless relationship — and didn’t even know it [REASON]. (One time, sitting across me on the table, he even picked up two pencils and showed me a very animated point — see I can’t even remember the details!) But eversince then, I knew I have recollected myself, realizing that my happiness should depend on no one, and moving on with my life armed with the strength that I found and needed exactly. That didn’t lead to me finding the perfect answers right away. It was a mistake after another [SEASONS]. But at least I moved. His words? Or his presence?  I just needed that one person to pull me out of the rut and make me do the leap of faith. Wherever it was going to take me.

And now almost a decade later, here we are. He barraged me with questions: How are you??? Where are you? What do you do now? My first answer, “Very happily married.” And he said the same thing. Happily married with two very cute babies. He proudly sent me a link to his family photos, and I also proudly sent him mine.

But tomorrow is another day. I don’t find the need to keep in touch. (The purpose was successful — my iPhone YM app works! Yippy for me!) And I’m sure he won’t either. We’ll go on with our own lives again, that’s for sure. Happy and busy with our own good lives, destinies, and the two very special people we chose for our own LIFETIME. His spouse and mine!

http://teacher-c.blog.friendster.com/2005/11/happy-thoughts/

-- written in my Gratitude Journal --

Karma. It’s such a strong truth (aren’t all truths strong?) that I believe in. Not exactly in the line of punishment or retribution but simply as an “extended expression or consequence of natural acts.” From what I picked up in Wikipedia: “Karma means deed or act and more broadly names the universal principle of cause and effect, action and reaction that governs all life.

What goes around comes around.

But why am I putting this in my gratitude journal? Am I thankful for the recent news about how some people (who caused us pain) faced their own karma lately? Is this me having the last laugh after all the mental anguish we’ve gone through? Is it seeing what I knew was definitely coming? The climax to the movie that I said at one point I wanted to enjoy with a bucket of buttered popcorn? The proverbial part where the evil-doer is humbled?

NO. I’m just thankful to be reminded of this truth that keeps my soul in check.

But I must admit that I have mixed feelings about it. I’m not a hypocrite to deny that it feels nice (I’m only human), but then my heart also feels a little sorry. Besides, nothing is officially over for as long as the wheel of life keeps turning. Sometimes we’re up there, sometimes we take an unforeseen vertical drop to the abyss.

God’s Hand touches us and moves us back to the right path when we get derailed — IN SO MANY MYSTERIOUS WAYS! Sometimes it hurts, but it is imperative. I’ve seen it happen at one point in my life and I’ve paid my dues. If you’re a New Age believer, it is the universe’s way of purifying and perfecting you. But, hey, it’s the same thing, don’t you think? Just a different language. God has a way of teaching us lessons. He has a way of balancing life. He will keep our feet on the ground each time we need it and He will teach us how to be humble, how to love, share and understand, how to stand up for peace, how to work harder in order to achieve or own something…and how not to be slothful nor greedy when you have it.

I’ll be afraid for those who will seek not to be fair and those who will do others wrong because one day, the proverbial lesson that’s bound to come…will come in a gruesome package. It’s a fact of life. We get what we deserve. Even pencils get sharpened when they’re dull.

And the epic challenge is…that rule definitely applies to me.

Boy, ain’t that scary? 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lord Jesus, teach me to be generous;
teach me to serve you as you deserve,
to give and not to count the cost,
to fight and not to heed the wounds,
to toil and not to seek for rest,
to labor and not to seek reward,
except that of knowing that I do your will.

-St. Ignatius of Loyola